The oak sleeps in the acorn.

Weight Loss Journal #10

2008-12-10T21:39:56Z

Ah! I've went double digit's on the weight loss journals now! Yay! At least I'm keeping up with the updating, even if the weight loss isn't as good. Still here to report that last Thursday I weighted myself and I was at 195.5 again. I seem to be stuck on the number. I had went up and down a little each week, but I think I've done well this week so I'm hoping tomorrow will be even better when I weigh in! I still need to exercise more. I really have to get that in gear already!

I am still looking for a job. I interviewed at the regional jail where my mom works for a receptionist job, but have yet to hear from them at all which leads me to believe that I did not get the job. Boo! There was a reporter job for the Coalfield Progress newspaper, but they wanted writing samples and probably a degree and I have neither. Sadness because I could have totally dug a job like that! Writing is definetly something I want to do one day. Still I need a job and soon. I do not want to have to go to White Ridge again. That work was just too much all together and with definitly not enough pay to make you feel better about it. I didn't even get a lunch break there 95% of the time.

Christmas shopping is OVER for me! I have everything now after yesterday. Only two little things have to be shipped in and they should be soon, way before Christmas. I have spent WAY too much money, but I always seem to and I always freak about my spending any money at all...I am a Scrooge!

I AM going back to school this semester! YAY! I have already signed up for all the classes I need. I have all my books, and I did have to buy a couple as one book changed and a couple had smaller add on books they wanted now. Mom is going to pay for the final semester. I was going to, but the tards at SWCC don't take my credit card, so that was out. Mom stepped up though and I am really grateful for that. Leah said she is going to be on my case to make sure I don't get lazy and I'm going to try to do my best. Everyone wish the best for me that I don't mess it up or they don't throw ANOTHER curveball my way.

I dyed my hair black. I know some people think I already have black hair, but I don't. I did when I was really young, but it had lightened up to a black/brown and so I was tired of my hair and bought a box of dye and Leah helped me out and now it is black! I like it! It's a lot darker then I had first thought, but the more I look at it the more I like it! I think I'm going to keep it that way for awhile now. I also want to cut it again. Haha I finally let it grow out a little past my shoulders and I'm already wanting to cut it again!

Leah's been having some health problems lately, so I hope she figures out what's going on and we can get her better. I like my friend healthy!

Well I think that's about it for now. I'll update again soon with hopefully even better news!

Weight Loss Journal #9

2008-11-12T14:33:41Z

Okay, I'll go ahead and do the weight part of this journal. After trapiezing off to Tennessee Miami and then taking a cruise and back to Miami and then Tennessee and finally back home; I weighed myself last week and I was 194.5, which is a 1 lbs. lost! Not too good, but not too bad either. At least I lost weight this time. I think that mostly came about though because of all the walking me and Jessica did when we were traveling. That shows me that obviously I need to exercise more!

Speaking of the trip, my cruise was awesome! I drove to Jessica's and for once Knoxville didn't let me have it with the weather and traffic, although the detours on that road really suck! I finally got to see Jessica's house she bought! It was a pretty old house of the 20's or so. It still had a lot of that old charm about it. The people before had been renovating it and had been foreclosed on I believe, so Jessica has quite a bit of detail work to still do, but has most of the major parts done now. She has this awesome claw foot tub upstairs that is a dream to bathe in. Too bad it looks like one of those bathrooms out of a horror movie where something gets you or you slit your wrists! lol Seriously, it does. Don't take a bath at night! Later Jess told me other people told her it was haunted which I can totally see!

Anyways so we packed and her friend Tabby took us to the airport. I think I was more nervous to get on this plane then I did the first one, but that's just my nerves getting worse I believe. lol The flights were fine, we took a stop in Atlanta and there was a vanding machine that actually sold IPods, acessories and PSP's! It was weird, but cool! lol Miami was a lot better this time around. We walked around our hotel which was nice, but old. We went down to Brickell, which was okay, but not the best. Then the next day it was cruise time!

The cruise itself was too short! I don't think I like the shorter ones, but it wasn't bad or anything like that. It was a lot more fun this time around. Me and Jess met some guys to hang out with that were from NYC. They soooo talked like they were from there, but we called them the knights of New York because they were always trying to be nice and polite around us. lol There was Mike who was a nurse and Jess got along with him the best ;). Then Al who was a manager at a grocery store chain and was always telling us a story of some kind or another and was usually hilarious. Then there was Tim who was the one that ran off the most to be with the girlies and hang out, he too was funny. Then there was Benny a sweet italian kind of guy whose name really is Benny. lol

Anyways there were a lot more from New York but that's the main ones we hung out with usually. Halloween was a lot of fun and I dressed up as a geisha that turned out pretty damn good! Jessica was Medusa and her costume was awesome! It turned out so well! We had a blast and partied the night away. Then we went to Mexico and I was a little upset that day as (No one's fault) someone had to be air lifted off the boat and well we were quite late docking in Mexico and I didn't get to go snorkeling AT ALL even though I remembered to buy the freakin' expensive underwater camera to take pics. Still me and Jess made the best of it and she got to go parasailing! Then we walked around downtown Cozumel and we saw a Senor Frogs, which is THREE I've been to now! The best place though was called Carlos and Charlies and it was a BLAST! We got good real mexican food, lots of liquor, a congo line, dancing, balloon hats, way friendly waiters and a lot of laughs. It was really great.

After that we had a day at sea and then it was over! Sadness! We spent that day wandering around South Beach as we did the next a little bit and saw a naked guy jump in his car on the street and went swimming in the ocean. People thought it was cold there and it was like 70. lol Then I was back at Jessica's before I knew it, but I got to see Michael and that was great. Then I went home. It was a great, wonderful trip and I want to take a Halloween cruise every year!

This weekend I tagged along with Leah so she could go to a insurance class because she wants to become a bondsman eventually. Good money if you can hustle up the clients and all. We got to go see AJ at VT since he was about a 30 minute trip away. He was good and nice and crazy as always. It was great to see him. Right now I'm at Southwest Community College as Leah is trying her insurance test for the first time. We figured she should go ahead and try it, you never know she might pass, but its a really hard test and you have to pass it completely. I just hope Leah doesn't end up telling me how people can be sued by everything all the time now. At first stuff like that isn't bad when people learn new things and want to share it, but after awhile it gets annoying cause I'm just not into insurance or sueing people that much unless something horrible happened; not just because you can and you want to talk about it, but everyone knows you're not so you just look like a jerk even though you're not really a jerk at all. Sorry that doesn't make sense but me and Leah had a bit of an arguement about it over a Huddle House incident and I had to rant a little bit. It's cool and I still hope she passes. lol

Since I am at SWCC, I thought I would try to get my education in order. I only need one freakin' semester of classes to graduate with an associates already. Even AJ is ahead of me now! lol So I don't have any financial aid at all this semester as they took it away from me last school year, but I'm going to try to stick it out and pay somehow. I might have to put it on my credit card, which would suck monkey wang! Maybe mom and dad might be willing to help out, I don't know. Good news though, I looked at the catalog and every class I'm pretty sure I need is listed for the spring semeseter and I already have every book purchased! So no hidden extra costs there. Also all those classes can be media delivery, which means I don't have to come to SWCC at all! That will save on time and gas! So its not all bad, but it always seems like money is an issue with me. Shew! People who say money doesn't matter were obviously never broke and still needed stuff done and we all know money makes the world go round.

I'm going to try to find a job now that all my traveling is done. Leah's SI company will probably be hiring in January, so I will still hold out hope for them, but I will be looking hardcore in the meantime and if I find a good fit, I'm going for that. I just about need to work full time to pay my bills off and have a little extra to pay on the credit card and save. Not too mention pay for gas (which has went down a lot recently, YAY!). Still I don't mind cause I need it and so I'm going to do it.

2009 is going to be a very busy year so far! I have plans to finish my associates, work full time, and I will be moving in the summer sometime. Don't know where or when, but I am moving out and continuing on with my life! I might pick a school and get my bachelors, because I would be crazy happy with myself for being able to get that! Too bad I have no idea what to get...lol Plus I still plan on losing a lot of weight. Still I hope 2009 is the year of changes, good changes that is. I can only hope I don't fail myself again in the upcoming year!

Weight Loss #8

2008-10-23T19:54:31Z

Well first I'll update about my life. There has been a lot of changes going on! The first and most important is that my brother, Isaac and his long time girlfried Jennifer got married! The wedding was on October 18 in Houston, Texas. Me and my parents (who freakin' wanted to drive and did so!) went down there for a whole week before and got to visit with them and meet Jennifer's whole family who seem to live right around Houston. It was a good trip, I ate far too much compared to how little I moved around that week and I knew it was going to cost me. Still it was a beautiful wedding and I have pics up now on the internet of all the ones I took. I'll put the address at the bottom of this entry for anyone interested in looking at them.

Second important thing is that this next week I will be boozing/partying it up on another cruise! AH! Me and Jessica planned a Halloween one and it is going to be awesome! I'm going to be a geisha and have an awesome authentic long chinese dress and I bought the face make up too. Jessica is going to be a medusa woman which sounds awesome and her friends that are coming with us, well I forgot what they are I think one is a vampire. So this is going to be really fun I hope.

Third, I'm still jobless at the moment, but Angella just called me yesterday and left an offer for White Ridge again, but I don't know if I'm going to take it or not. I need a job as money is running out fast, but I don't want to be stuck there again like I was either. I'm thinking of maybe taking it as its only one day a week right now and then actively searching for a job or getting on at SI if they hire at the New Year.

Fourth, I am going to finish my associates degree! I don't know how I'm going to do that yet, as I have no money for it, but I will finish it! I only need 14 credits! I think I might take a loan out and just do it. I will feel so much better and confident if I can do that and know I can finish something.

Fifth, I am in need of a major over haul on my health. I'm going to go to my Grandma's doctor, Dr. Allan Mullins over in Norton as he offered to be our regular physician and let him do the works on me. I know I really need it and I know putting it off is stupid.

Okay, finally to the weight loss part! Sadly, I have gained a little weight back as I think it was from Houston. I now weigh in this morning at 195.5 lbs. Poo! Hopefully I will be able to work that off and I'm not worried about the cruise as I lost weight last time I was on one! lol Still I need to start exercising more and seeing to my diet better. I've been more lax with being home and not at LaKesha and Jerrad's. That household was a good learning tool and I need to be able to do it on my own now with the temptations and ease of other/worse food around me.

Alright well I think that's it for now. Here's that address and I'll check in again as soon as I can! http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y133/Silver85/IsaacJen%20Wedding%2010-18-08/

Weight Loss #7

2008-10-02T17:41:11Z

Well I'm back in Haysi, VA and you know...yay I guess. LOL No I like this place, its the home I grew up in, but it's just that I feel its holding me back from the rest of my life as there is nothing here! I don't know what I'm going to do, but I do know sometime by the end of the upcoming summer Erica is going to be living out of Dickenson County.

Now though on to the weight loss! I've done terrible about exercising although me and Leah are going to go walking/jogging as soon as she gets back from work today, so that is good.

The weight loss is a lil tricky. When I came back I checked that next Thursday and saw that my Grandma's scale said I weighed 194. Which is exciting but I don't know how I lost 5 lbs. that quickly which makes me think I really didn't. The only question now is which scale was correct? I didn't know so I just weighed myself again this last Thursday and it said 192. I know that's at least a 2 lbs. loss no matter what my actual weight is, so yay to that! And today I'm not sure what I weigh as there is a ban on weight scales in Leah's house. lol Still I know I have lost two more lbs and hopefully more for this week. I'll try to update again to tell my current weight and also keep trying to update on Thursdays as usual as I have found that there are free computers in our new library that I can use!

Also on a good motivation this past Sunday was Leah's dad Mitch's surprise birthday party and lots of her family was over to celebrate. I hwas helping Leah pull it off and her Pawpaw (Thelmar) saw me for the first time since before I had left for DC and he immediately said that I had lost a lot of weight! That was exciting to hear and I want to keep getting those kinds of reactions from people! So keep hoping, praying, sending me luck and don't eat that thoughts coming my way! Thank you!

Weight Loss Journal #6

2008-09-18T14:43:12Z

Alright so this is my last post from Woodbridge as I am moving back to Haysi today! Okay that part really isn't that exciting, but hey its different in the fact I will be living with my Grandma instead of my parents. I hope it works out for the best.

Anyways, I just went and weighed myself and I weigh in at 199.6, which is back to my original weight in like the third weight loss journal exactly? Weird. Anyways I wish I had lost more, at least ten lbs before I had left here, but I am happy I lost anything! And almost losing 5 lbs while not changing my diet too drastically or doing much exercise is a small gain (or loss? lol) in the right direction.

I'm hoping to become more exercise oriented with the change in scenery and a little more me time in the morning and evenings without a couple kids running around needing stuff. Still its not much of an excuse as I usually had pretty much the entire day to myself up here, but whatever. We'll see.

Anyways keep sending the good thoughts and wishes my way. Also keep me in your thoughts as I drive 8 freaking hours back home! 8! That's a bit much even for me. Also I don't know if I will be able to post every Thursday anymore as I currently don't have internet at my home or my Grandma's. I might be able to swindle in some internet though soon. I hope so! Otherwise I will try to weigh myself on Sunday/Monday and post it when I get to Leah's house.

Peace and Love y'all!

Weight Loss Journal #5

2008-09-11T13:50:02Z

Hello! Well I am here to report once again. I'm still being terrible about the exercise thing, but I'm still trying to cut back on food. I'm not sure if I put it up here or not, but there is an easy way I found on msn.com about how to tell how many calories you're eating to maintain your current weight (generally). All you do is multiply your current weight by ten and with that answer add the amount you currently weigh to it and that answer is the amount of calories you consume. So I've started trying to be below that number for myself, way below if possible, but I don't berate myself if it's not.

Oh yeah, I did gain some weight, I am at 200.5 lbs. I'm not sweating it though, because it is that time of the month, if you know what I mean, so I figure once that passes so will the extra 1.5 lbs. Probably didn't lose any though, so I do need to work harder.

There is a big test coming up for me very soon. My job here in Woodbridge is rapidly coming to an end and I need to move back home. I don't know how well I'm going to do there, but I'm going to try my best to keep up with the foods I'm eating now and still improving upon. I also need to start exercising there most definitely. At least here I run around more in general with taking care of kiddies and having two flights of stairs in the house. Still we'll see how that goes when I get to it. So keep your best wishes my way please and peace!

Weight Loss Journal #4

2008-09-04T22:21:53Z

Just a fast update today. Still not exercising like I should, still have big plans to change that though, just have to get myself there mentally. Still eating pretty good.

I've lost .6 lbs from last week, which brings me down to exactly 199 lbs! I can be happy with that and I am, still wish it was more, but grateful I had an loss at all.

I'll update again on next Thursday!

The subject of love

2008-08-29T19:25:27Z

I was on one of my forums and someone brought up the subject of love and whether or not we believed in soul mates. This was my take on it and I didn't mean to or realize I had such an opinion on it until after I had finally got it all out. What do you guys think of what I said or what you think of it in general? I'm curious to know, especially as I am one of the most non-experienced people I could ever possibly know in this field. lol It's not really funny...

~*~*~
I don't believe in soul mates, but I do believe in love. I know that sounds contradictory, but let me explain. I think people, especially now, think it should be easy when it comes to love. We're used to all these conveniences and we think love should be the same way in our lives. I think a lot of people think, oh he's my soul mate, now everything is going to fall into place and I will never worry about finding 'the one' or anything else like that ever again, because he is my soul mate it will all work out! Sadly, it doesn't work like that. People cheat, use, grow apart, realize they are just not the one. I think that when God made us he gave us the power of choice. We can choose to believe in him or not. We can choose how to live our lives, and I believe we can choose who we want to spend our life with; its all our choice. You were right when you said that people have a natural growing process, we choose others who will help us, and sometimes afterward we move on and sometimes not; it's all our choice.

I think the key to all of this is the work. You have to work at love. You can feel it in your heart and in your soul and it can make you do crazy things, but you have to work at it and nurture it for the love to grow and get anywhere. It takes time and effort to get to know a person and to really and truly trust them and to know if they are really right for you. I also think you have to know and be happy with yourself as well. If you can't even make yourself happy, how can you possibly make another person?

True love is the ultimate goal though, right? I think what true love really is, is when you can look over beside you and see the same guy who has stuck around. Through the thick and the thin. He's seen you at your worst and your best. He knows what makes you happy as a person and he has only helped you to become an even stronger and happier person and you him. Sure you may have had fights, broken up, and disappointed each other throughout the years, but you both worked at it. It was your choice to be with each other and you worked hard to make sure it stayed that way. Whether it was expressing your love through poetry and letters, or showing up at their house unexpectedly, or just knowing when to listen to them versus helping them. And I think to know that all the work you've put in and all the times you've shared and memories made, to look over and see him and know he still makes you the happiest you could ever possibly be and has made you nothing but stronger through your life-that, that is true love.

It's much more rewarding to work and fight for something and finally attain it and keep working to make sure its still there and as true as ever, then to just have it handed to you willy-nilly. How could you ever learn to truly appreciate and want it otherwise?

To me love is a beautiful battle and there is nothing more heartbreaking, gut wrenching and wonderful as it is.

Weight Loss Journal #3

2008-08-28T20:11:36Z

Okay, I know I am a lazy ass for not posting as I said I would! Still I'm doing that now and it counts!

So far, my exercise plan is still just in the planning stages. I am sooo bad about not running or doing anything else. I know I need to run or at least stick in a pilates DVD, but I have been terrible about it. I am going to try to reinsert myself into that mind frame of getting up and running again, I really need to and you know even though I thought I might die after running sometimes, I always felt great that I had done it.

My change in diet has been going much better though. I think I am eating slightly less food, but the big difference is the kind of food I am eating. I am eating many more veggies, fruits and lean meats. I eat a lot more fish now. I eat much less bread and sugar. I eat a ton more peanut butter. I don't really eat any beef or pork anymore either. I don't deprive myself a treat. About once a day you can find me eating some kind of Popsicle or sweet treat. The difference is I eat ones that are low calorie/less fat (weight watchers, etc) and I only eat one a day. I don't drink pop anymore either. That wasn't a hard thing to give up as I thought it might be, instead I drink a ton more water and Gatorade 2 (G2), as it has less calories and fat then the regular kind. I also try to drink natural (not sweet) teas and ones that have lots of vitamins in it like Cranergy by Ocean Spray. I eat more natural low fat/calorie stuff and I try to watch whats going in my mouth.

The difference all this has made? I started at 204 lbs, I just weighed myself and I am at 199.6 lbs. YAY! I've actually lost almost 5 lbs! That is awesome. It has totally amped me up to start exercising and keep going with this. If I start regular exercise I could lose double the weight in the same amount of time! This is exciting for me, I hope you all can feel my enthusiasm growing!

Well that's enough for now, wish me luck every day, think in your head about 9AM or so that Erica should be getting her ass out of the bed and running now, go running Erica! It might give me a little cosmic mind push to just go do that. lol Peace out homies!

Weight Loss Journal #2

2008-07-25T02:18:36Z

Alright time for the second journal on the weight loss! To get to the point, I lost a half of a pound. I know, I know, big loss right? Well I have to admit I was hoping for at least a whole pound, but I can live with that. It's better then gaining anything!

I probably could have lost more if I had tried harder. It really is tough to break old habits. I am so bad to go back to bed and sleep after the kids are off to school instead of getting my ass down to the track to run. I maybe ran half the time this past week. I did jog/walk two miles one day in a row though. I am proud of that! I almost got sick and was slightly dizzy from it, but the point is I made it and when I do it again next time, it will be a little easier to handle. I can't wait for the day I actually RUN a mile. That will be a great day.

I have decided to stick with pilates rather then yoga. It just so happens LaKesha has some DVDs on the stuff and told me to go take advantage of it. I think that is awesome. I can't wait to get started on it.

Well other then that I don't know what else to say. I am still in high spirits about this, although I didn't particularly lose a lot of weight or kept to me 'schedule' very well either. I haven't given anything up yet though and maybe that is the difference.

Either way, wish me luck (thank you Misses!) for all of next week. I'm going to be running around with Leah all this weekend, so hopefully her hotel up here has a gym with a track or something! I'm going to go to a WWE RAW event live at the Verizon Center in DC and it is going to rock! I'm also going to be drunk! lol That won't help the weight loss, but it will my spirits. lol Anyways, see you guys later!

Weight Loss Journal #1

2008-07-17T17:21:19Z

Okay, so I have decided to truly lose weight and the only way I am going to be able to do that is to deal with my problems about my weight. I don't think this can be one of those secret like things you can keep to yourself and accomplish. It's too hard, you need a support system to help you, encourage you and guide you. In doing that I have researched on ways to lose weight based against my own personality and what would be compatible. I'm self conscious about being fat, so usually I avoid people, especially in any kind of gym/physical fitness way. I'm cheap, so joining up Bally fitness club, is probably going to irk me more then help me. I don't mind hard work or toughing it out. After all this I finally settled on this:

*I am going to run. That is an aerobic exercise that is crucially needed. You really have to get your heart going before any real progress can be made.

*I am going to eat right. That doesn't mean less, but just better and at the right times. I need carbs too. You have to have carbs for running so they can help with hemoglobin which is oxygen in your blood and heart that keep you running. To run more, you need more carbs. The only catch is if you eat too many and don't exercise enough to burn it properly, then it is turned into fat. I'm also going to add more protein in my diet too.

*I am going to pick up pilates or yoga. I haven't decided which one yet. These are another good exercise for me and much lower impact and will keep me stretched and flexible.

*I am going to be open about my weight loss so everyone can be with me. It will help take so much of the burden off my shoulders.

With that said I'll tell about myself. I am 5'1 1/2" tall and I weigh 204 lbs. That is a BMI of 37.3. Which is horrible. The BMI is a measure of body fat based on height and weight. This is the table for it.

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

So in other words, I am obese. That was yucky to say. =( But it will change! I hope. My biggest goal is to be 115 lbs. This would give me a BMI of 21.0 which is perfectly in the middle of normal. Plus I think I would still have some boobs! My immediate and much more attainable goals are to lose about 8-10 lbs a month. I think this will be healthy and an actual goal that can be met. If I do all this just as I have written then it will take me about 9-11 months to complete. A long time but well worth it I think!

I started running today. I jogged/walked a mile. I jogged the first entire lap and then walked a third of the second then jogged the rest. The third one I walked about a third again and then jogged, but by the fourth one I had to walk about two thirds of the way which was disappointing but I had a stitch in my side by then. But I finished! Taa-daa! lol I am also thinking about running in the evening too. Getting twice the workout in one day seems like a good idea to me, plus I can run off dinner that way.

Anyways, so this is the first entry in my weight loss journal section. I should update it every Thursday with a new weight loss/total and how I'm doing. Everyone wish me luck!

ericamackey @ 2008-07-17T01:53:00

2008-07-17T06:45:04Z

So who the hell reads this anyme anyways? Anyone? *Looks out over vast, blank empty plain* That's what I thought. I noticed when I checked my friends list that just about everyone had become quitters. Boo. It doesn't matter I suppose, this is still my journal and I'm still plugging at it. By the way I did check and I have had this journal since June 23, 2003. Or at least that is as far as my archives go and I don't see why it wouldn't go to the main beginning. So I've kept this journal for a little over five years. Who would have thunk it?

Anyways, my life has improved overall over the last month I'm glad to say. I still miss my friend terribly and I am also going into some serious Misses withdraw, but otherwise I couldn't be happier and I never use the word happy unless un is in front of it. I have started eating better, which is something I have wanted to start for awhile, but LaKesha actually eats healthily and it made for an easy transition. I'm about to take up running. Who knew? I want to be fit, I really do. I think my weight has not only held me back on many problems, but it has also allowed me to use it as a scapegoat for lots of others. I hope this good trend continues.

I also have only had one panic attack since I've been here. That is amazing and so wonderful. I used to have them about once or twice a week. My allergies are gone. My wheezing is gone. It's un-freaking-believable. I didn't realize it this could be so good for me personally.

Other then just me I am starting to settle well into my job too. I am becoming much more comfortable in my surroundings and with the kids. LaKesha never made me nervous or anything which is great. Akasha hugged me the other day and I thought I would leap for joy. I've also successfully put them to bed by myself a few times now and I dreaded that the most. The first time I tried had been such a disaster. They didn't want me to read to them, they wouldn't listen, they wanted me to leave and told me so. I hid in the bathroom beside Exodus' room they were reading in and cried. LaKesha had to put them to bed way late. I felt like such a failure. Now though, it is becoming much better. The kids know me better and they understand they have to listen to me. Bedtime is no longer my worst time.

The kids are pretty fun too. Sure there is that aspect of its all about them and sometimes I want to just go away for awhile without them, but they are so funny. They love to play all sorts of different games and love to learn new ones. I showed them hopscotch the other day and they loved it and ask for it now. They are very inquisitive too. They want to know the answer to everything and I find that I don't mind at all explainging to them. Just today I was telling them about gravity. Akasha now wants to be an astronaut. lol

This job can be stressful at times and I wish I could help LaKesha out more sometimes, but I just don't know how. I think though that I am doing a pretty good job. Jerrad's mom came up last weekend and told me I needed to put Akasha to bed quicker, but I thought I had done well that night. It had only taken a little over thirty minutes. I guess I am still learning. Sometimes when Jerrad calls I think he wants more out of me when he asks how things are, and I always feel like I don't tell him what he wants to hear and its discouraging. I hope he isn't too worried that I am messing his whole house up or anything.

Those kids are crazy smart too. They amaze me every day at all the stuff they are learning and retaining. It's an astronomical amount compared to what an adult does. If this job has taught me anything its how to be a grown up 100%. I kind of liked it.

This job has done a lot for my nerves too. I feel much more balanced and able to think clearer. It makes me think about the future. LaKesha and Jerrad are both driven, accomplished people and that inspires me. They have their diplomas in my room and I find myself looking at them and reading them almost every day. It makes me feel like I can really accomplish my goal of graduating college. I think I want to go into journalism. To write. I think I would like that quite a bit. I would even like interviewing people and researching. I find that interesting and fun, plus it appeals to my maticulous side. The only thing now is where to go? I really want to go back to ETSU. I liked it there and I know the area now. It has a journalism program there and I think I could get it under instate tuition. I think Leah would go with me too and that means I wouldn't have to live in the dorms. I think I'm almost too old for dorm life anymore. Other then that, I think I could go to Mason, which is the college that LaKesha teaches at and is getting her Phd from. Its expensive to go, but I know LaKesha would help me out all she could for scholarships and such. She is so freaking nice to me.

I have a lot of hope though, I really do. I'm happy. Leah was right, July IS the month of happiness! lol She is going to be coming up in just a couple weeks and I am stoked to see her. We are going to have an awesome time, I hope, and we get to go see wrestling! That is never a bad thing.

It's getting late, so I had better wrap this up. That is the one thing I need to fix, I am such a night owl and I really need to be a day person instead. Guess I'm not perfect, who knew?!?! ;-) To whomever reads this, comment! I am curious to see who is still reading and who's ditched me.

Long Time No See........Me!

2008-06-19T19:43:31Z

It's been awhile and I always write that line when I haven't written in here in forever. You would think I would just give it up or maybe not remember my name and password, but no this journal lives on! I think I've had it since I was in high school, I'll have to check on that because if so that is a long ass time. I feel so sick today too. My allergies have been going off and its that time if you know what I mean and I just feel like crap today. Yuck.

Many things have changed since my last entry. I don't even live in Haysi anymore, although I haven't totally left it behind. It's still my permanent address, but I am currently staying the summer in Woodbridge, VA. This is a smaller city that is right outside of DC, but it still seems huge to me. I'm trying to learn my way around and slowly but surely I am making it. LaKesha and Jerrad are uber helpful and always willing to help out.

I've went too far ahead of myself though. I'm staying in Woodbridge because my friend LaKesha needed help with her kids all this summer as Jerrad, her husband, is leaving for his job. So I'm just a helping hand until he gets back, which is fine by me. I'm out of Haysi, I have a big ass room with a big ass bed and a new computer to play on in my room that has a bad ass internet connection! I am also getting T.V. soon as they were nice enough to get installed for me. They don't ever watch it so they dropped their service quite a while ago. They have a million and one movies and TV shows on DVD to watch though, so I'm not totally freaking out about not having the telly yet. I did miss wrestling all this week and possibly next week too. That sucks.

I get to look after two cutey-pie kids though. Akasha who is three and a ball of energy. She is a bold streak of paint and an eye opener, I love that. Exodus is a little man already and only at the age of two! They are both crazy smart for their ages and that makes it easier for me. I need all the help I can get too. I'm not a trained nanny and I only ever babysitted my little cousins and they were mostly older in age and I was the baby in my family. I feel inept a lot of the time. I know I'm the nervous sort sometimes, but I'm trying to just take this one day at a time. There's so much to do for them! Exodus is the easy kid to put to bed and I was good at it the night before last, but last night I was screwed it up. Seriously, if I can't put the easy kid to bed, what about the other one? Shew, I just hope I'm a quick learner for their sakes. I think they like me, that is always good! lol I'll play with them all the time they want unless they have to go do something. I was at the park with them yesterday and we could have spent a couple hours there probably, but I had to rush them some because Jerrad had their dinner waiting on them.

The traffic here is unreal. I don't mind it being busy-busy. That just took a little adjusting on my part and I think I've got it now. I haven't hit rush hour yet. I think that's going to stress me out and I can't be stressed out with the kids (which this is also the first time I've had to drive with little kids in the car with me-talk about nerve wracking!), so I can only hope for the best when I cross over that bridge.

I miss my friend Leah crazy bad right now. She is coming up to see me once this summer and we're going to a Raw Live! show and that is awesome! Still I can't even call her much during the day because its long distance for both of us and the costs will add up. It's weird not to have her right here. I get used to people too much I guess. I've never had too many people around me except maybe in middle/high school, but I was always lonely then too. So I either have lots of so-so friends and I get lonely or I have one or two best friends and when I leave them I miss them a lot. I'm so difficult. lol

There's a lot more stuff to go over, but they can wait for the next entry. Tomorrow probably, I am an internet ho! And not one of those who gets kicked off of myspace or goes to chat rooms! lol

ericamackey @ 2008-01-08T09:52:00

2008-01-08T15:06:21Z

I had a good Christmas this year. It wasn't anything big and fancy, but I got what I wanted-a new digital camera (the screen on that thing is huge!) new floormats for my car, the pretty ones with the chevy logo on them that are made out of the good stuff and won't slip and slide everywhere. Remember playing slip and slide in the car is not safe and should be avoided, especially if you are driving said car. I got some clothes and books. Lots of pirate stuff. A pair of pretty earrings. And plenty of DS and GBA games for my new DS.

I can't remember if I said it in the last post or not, but our computer at home is messed up and here at Leah's is the only place I can get on the internet right now, so sorry for being gone on here, myspace, my email. I'm trying to work out something better, but for now its this once a week and that's about it.

The job is going okay. Sharon, the new girl we hired already said she's quitting. Go figure. She was actually decent at cooking too. She didn't like her paycheck though, I guess I wouldn't either though if I only had half a pay period on it and several of those hours weren't on it because she was late everyday from getting from her old job to ours as she fulfilled her last two weeks. We all tried to tell her it would be much better next time, but I guess she didn't listen. Plus she's been listening to an ex-employee who hates us, which is always a negative. Angella made me laugh because she said, "Why can't people just come to work and leave their drama at home?" What have I been saying on here for months? LOL

Other then that nothing else is really going on. I hope Misses' drama stops, she didn't even do anything! Some guys are real jackasses though. They should just get dumped, by everyone, because they deserve it. And I still want to run him over with my car, repeatedly. Don't worry Misses, this is just another trial to get through and all the rest of us know what a good and wonderful person you are. You just attract crazies. LOL

Well that's about it for now. I think I'm going to head off here and check up on everything else I'm two weeks behind on since that was the last time I was connected to the internet! Shew, I swear its like a drug, I was going through withdrawls!

I suck sooo bad

2007-12-18T16:46:41Z

Yup I totally do. You all know why, I completely forgot the day of the Misses' birthday. I knew it was coming up all this time, bought her stuff during my 'let's blow all of Erica's money' time and am getting ready to send it all to her and then suddenly it hit me yesterday. What day is it? What day is Misses' birthday? Oh sh.... So to conclude, I'm so sorry Misses! I love you and Happy Birthday and your stuff is going to be mailed tomorrow. Not that the stuff is important, but it is being sent anyways of course. I guess I can't ever bring out that one time you forgot my birthday all those years ago can I? lol

On other news I am doing much better these days, surprisingly. I am happier then I have been for awhile. Maybe its all these birthdays in December and the fact Christmas is right around the corner and that has been keeping me preoccupied, but still I am doing much better now. I guess I can say why on here I was doing badly again for awhile there. My boss who I had seen at least once if not more every week for around fourteen months committed suicide very early on the saturday morning after Thanksgiving.

It freaked everyone out so much. It was a really sad time at the store too. The man pretty much lived there and then he was suddenly never there. I kept flipping out because I would have to close the store down with someone else and sometimes do the little things that Danie used to do and I felt so bad and wrong for doing it, because my brain was still telling me that that was Danie's job and I shouldn't be doing that. The service and funeral were really sad and it was really hard to see Cheryl (his wife) and Angella, Daniel, Dustin and the rest of the family grieving.

The store stayed together though, and it is staying open. Brett also owned the store with Danie though and he and the others have tried their best to pick everything up. One of them comes up every night to close and they have assured everyone that no one is losing their job and the store is staying open. Which was a big worry on all our minds. Still I'm doing better now, and I'm glad for that. I still think of Danie a lot, but I'm okay. I don't really want to go into it anymore then that.

As for other news, I have spent lots and lots this holiday season and I am completely happy to do so. I think that it is going to be a very Merry Christmas. I still have a couple things to get for my parents and then I am finally done. I will be glad when the season is over though, so I can start saving my money up again.

My new car still works great. I'm still loving it and I am constantly looking at stuff to decorate it, upgrade it, whatever. It is the new love of my life. LOL

School finally ended for the semester...YAY!!!! I took my exam in math and I was done. Hopefully I'll get a B in that class, but I won't cry over a C either. I've already signed up for three classes for the spring semester and even though that's not full time, I think I'm just going to keep it that way since I've picked up more time at the store. I now work all evening shifts (YAY) and I work Tuesday-Friday and then Sunday. I like that schedule pretty good and I might even drop Sunday sometime later when the store opens later after winter as I will get more hours. If I do drop Sundays then I would be free Saturdays-Mondays and maybe I could go visit some people in Tennessee that sorely need visiting...

I have had the weirdest interest to join a gym lately. Sadly there isn't one in my podunk town, although there is in the next podunk town. Still that is a thirty minute drive at least and I don't know if I want to drive that far three or four days a week. Maybe I'll just look at home gym stuff. Anyone know of something that is a good work out but affordable? I pretty much need to work out everything, so keep that in mind. lol

Well I think that is all the news lately for me. I have to go check a few more things and then I have to jump in the shower and go to work. Whoo! lol I'll talk and see everyone later. Misses, I'll talk to you tonight if you're available. Check ya later!

ericamackey @ 2007-12-03T11:55:00

2007-12-03T17:09:47Z

Hey all. I know it's been a little while and some people might know why that is, others might not right now. I don't really want to talk about it yet. Not now anyways. Soon.

On to good news. I now own a Nintendo DS that takes up lots of wasted time and is a wonderful, wonderful present I bought for myself! Right now I only own two games, Zelda and Sim City, but I plan on getting lots more soon! I got the special edition DS, the gold Zelda one with the triforce on the front of it. I actually didn't want that one, I wanted the new red/black one, but you know what? I am not complaining! I thought it might be hard for me to get used to the dual screen, but I actually took to it pretty fast and it is easy to use. Happiness for me finally getting a new game system! Next to go down is the Wii....

I have most of my Christmas shopping already done. I just need a couple small things for people at work and then I still need one present for a certain Misses who only ever tells me, "I don't want anything. You don't have to get me anything. I'll be happy with whatever you want to get me." GOSH. That is not a list of stuff you want! lol I love you misses!

This school semester is almost over. I have this week and then one exam next week and I will be out for almost an entire month, YAY! I hate school soooo bad. Still I think I am going to do decent in the classes I did keep this semester. A definite A for my literature class and probably a high C or maybe a low B for my math class. I'll be happy with either one of them!

I don't know how school is going to work for me next semester. I had an interview at S.I. International and if they hire me I definetely can't go in the day time anymore. So then it'll all be either night or internet classes. Not too bad, but hopefully I'll get done one day. I'm terrified of not getting that job. I am really hoping hard on it. I even had a dream that I didn't get it and woke up upset with myself. If I got this job though, it would help me out so much in the money department. And who doesn't need that?

Randy Orton is still WWE champion. WOOO! So my obsession with wrestling is still obviously going strong. Which is just fine by me, right now that's the only thing keeping me sane and giving me a breather every now and then. Thank God for men in spandex rolling around on a mat in front of thousands of people for all of our entertainment....LOL

Mom is almost through her jailer training at the police academy. She has this week to go and this Friday is her graduation. I'll have to take a day off of work to go see her. She gave crappy directions, so I'm going to have to find out some other way to where that place is. But still, congratulations mom.

Me and mom picked out uber cute baby stuff for Becky and Heather. We got them cute little outfits and then these matching towels and bath robes! It's totally cute, puke-inducing cute. Heather's is blue with an alligator peeking over it and Becky's is pink with a whale shooting out flowers and love. LOL I told you puke-inducing!

Well I had better go, I think I got most of the good stuff through my system. When I'm ready I'll blog about all the other stuff that happened Thanksgiving weekend and afterwards. I just still feel so weird about it and I have to make sense of it somehow in my own mind before I plaster it up here. Misses, I swear I'm not ignoring you, I just don't feel like talking about it yet, even though I called you that one time to do just that. I'll talk to you soon, I promise!

Keissa, send me your address so I can send you a Christmas card! =D

Job Interview

2007-11-16T15:08:21Z

Well S.I. International called me yesterday. I have an interview with them on Monday at 2:30. I am kind of nervous. I'm afraid to hope too much of getting the job, because there are a lot of applicants and I'm not Wonder Woman typing, Microsoft, or interviews. Then again I'm also afraid of getting the job, because it is a whole lot harder then what I am used to. I hope I can hack it. Also there's that thing where I'm finally taking a step forward to actually getting out of Haysi. With this kind of money and job backing for a year, it would do me very well to go wherever I wanted. Then again I don't want to hope too hard. I don't want to be stuck at White Ridge either. Shew!

Either way, everyone wish me luck, cause I'll need it!

Erica is seriously indebt

2007-11-12T13:29:26Z

Why am I so seriously indebt, you may ask? Well I will give you said answer; it is because Saturday my mom and me went out to Claypool Hill and bought me a 2006 Chevy Cobalt! AH! YAY!

Yup, mom and me finally went out and actually got me another vehicle. We traded in her old buick, which we actually got a decent trade in rate for, and bought me the vehicle. Okay, so really we put the down on it and I paid the taxes, but whatever! The point is Erica has a very pretty, little blue cobalt! It is the LS model, which means it is the more basic and less sporty one, but I never cared about that either way. The car is a lot like Leah's actually, except a few small differences. Their even the same year. It has four doors, automatic and has a CD player in it. I know, I know I'm so poor I'm excited over the fact my car has a built in CD player! lol That's just sad...

Anyways I love it and I cannot wait to go out to the Wal-Mart and maybe Advanced Auto and trick out my little lovely. I haven't named the car yet, I don't know it yet. I'm not even sure if its a boy or girl yet, but we'll see. lol I swear I don't know why I have to give everything names and genders, but I just do.

I am just amped up on the fact I finally got a car! But what, you may ask may happen to my old love, my black mexican? Well he is still in the shop and we have decided to still try and get him fixed, although I have heard that my friend Brad has been running his dad's mechanic's shop for this last little while and so I think I'm going to go see if he will fix my mexican instead of that dumbass Tommy, who obviously don't know his ass from a hole in the ground, as my uncle so lovingly put it.

Mom said I could go talk to Brad too and see what he says, which is good, I don't want anymore trouble from her over that car. So hopefully the black mexican will be running again soon and when he is the plan so far is to either keep him as an extra vehicle for all of us, or sell him off and let him pay up some of the old bills we still have. Whichever mom and dad decided since technically its their car and I have my own now.

It makes me sad in a way to let go of the black mexican. He was my very first car, the one I graduated high school with, the one I went to ETSU in, the one I've been going to SwvCC in, the one I drove all over the place. I don't think I will be able to go if they decide to sell him, I think I would do something insanely girlish like cry and that's not good people! I should not be so girly or emotionally attached to a car! =-/

Either way I'm in the thick of it now as I have plenty to pay for now. Luckily Thursday I went to the unemployment office as Leah had told me that S.I. was going to hire a small group to start training December tenth. I went after work and barely had enough time in to get a typing and Microsoft testing done and fill out my application to turn in. Leah had also helped me make out a resume that I turned in as well. If all goes well, hopefully they'll call me for an interview.

I am worried though that they won't call. Not because I don't think I'm good enough, I think I did pretty good with my test scores and I have a great work history; it's just that I happened to see the list that woman at the unemployment office had when she checked off mine and another girl's names and that was a long list and S.I. is not looking for that many people. I'm just hoping that my scores will be good enough for them to call me and that the competition won't be too rough.

Well I think that's about it for now, lots of news this time. So hope a lot for me that S.I. will give me a call and give a loud whoop at the fact I finally got a car! YAY!

Hello All

2007-11-02T16:00:56Z

Well today is a much better day then the few before. I think I have been really stressed out lately and I am just glad I got it out, at least on a journal entry anyways.

Things have been okay. School is okay. Work is gossipy and a headache of course, but other then that okay. I had a guy the other night that was high as a kite and wouldn't pay for his gas. Me and Danie (the owner) had to wait an hour before we could leave and in that time his little girlfriend cried and cried and called about a bazillion people and finally one of them came to pay for the gas. He ran off twice and one time broke into his cousins house and stole a check and more off of him and tried to give us said check. Too bad the retard had signed HIS OWN NAME to it instead of the other guys. Yeah, we kept that check, but not as payment. And finally the cop showed up and we could go home! Yay! It ended up the cousin gave the guy an ultimatium and if he hadn't given back all the junk he had stolen he was taking his ass to jail, but sadly the guy gave it all back. I would have kicked his ass and then called the cops on him. But that's just me.

This weekend I'm working everyday as Kayla is getting married and her, her mom and her sister-in-law all need the weekend off and they all happen to work at the station. Sigh. At least my paycheck will be bigger. I also picked up another day at work, so now I work four days. The new girl Jessyca, yes it is too spelled that way, is not going to work out. I wouldn't of hired her in the first place as she has no teeth anymore, and that's not because I think people with no teeth are gross (okay they are a little), but she doesn't have any because we're all pretty sure she takes meth, which makes your teeth rot. Also she's crazy. She dressed up for Halloween and she was Britney Spears, a la naughty school girl and came to work. Her skirt was so short that when she bent over one time a customer actually turned his face away! Maryann made her go home and change because as she so eloquently put it, "I don't want to see your ass all night at work, go home and change."

Haha, I love Maryann! Which is so sad then, because she is LEAVING me after this weekend. She has another job at S.I. (where Leah works) and she is going full time there and I don't blame her at all, but gosh that means I'm alone there and I will be sad!

Well I think that's everything for work news.

I have been looking a lot at getting some more tattoos. I'm kind of sure of what I'm going to get, but I think I want to draw them up for myself rather then have the tattooist do it. I know I can as I drew Phillip's up for him a while ago. It takes more time, but I think it would be cooler if I could tell people, "I designed it myself". I would put what I think I'm going to get in writing, but I'm on a time constraint at the moment and I am having to head to the bus soon to go back home and.....WORK.

I did carve my Halloween pumpkin by the way. It was cute and I was happy I did it. My house got all of three trick-or-treaters. Two down from last year! lol

Well I think that's about all for now, gotta go!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2007-10-31T15:57:22Z

Well I figured it was time for another update. I am feeling a little better then I was from the last entry. Not that anything has been resolved, nope not at all, it's just been pushed aside and not dealt with unless someone (me!) makes a fuss about it again.

I swear I just don't understand people sometimes. Why do they treat people the way they do? What's their motive? Their reasoning? I can only shake my head and wonder. It's been like this for years and I think we're all just becoming apathetic about it, giving up.

I let something slip to Leah the other day and I didn't realize how bad it sounded until it came out my mouth. When I was little my family used to celebrate holidays like everyone else did. We didn't go crazy, but we were always dressing up for Halloween, making Christmas cookies, buying fireworks, whatever. I also know that now, most of the family doesn't live in the same place and that we're all mostly grown up, but me, mom and dad don't do anything anymore. Sure we make the impression that we do, so other people will think we do. Mom stuck a ceramic pumpkin on the porch and left some candy in case some trick-or-treaters come by, but no more decorations, no more friends' parties, no more dressing up, nothing.

It makes me really sad. We're like this for just about all the holidays too. I can't tell you the last time we actually celebrated the 4th of July. It's a joke about how late we get the Christmas tree ready, our best record being on Christmas Eve. We're busy, but not that busy. One year at Christmas I decorated everything, because it wouldn't of happened otherwise.

I'm sure mom would kick me if she saw I actually wrote that out for people to read on the internet. And I do mean really kick me, she has before. But I just don't care anymore. I really don't. Every time I take a step in that house, every time I remember I live there and that's my life I wilt a little more. It's just becoming too much for me and something is going to have to give.

My car has been in the shop for about two and a half months. It's still not fixed. Mom and Dad won't pull it for whatever reason. At this point I don't care, I tried to get mad and get something done and got in an arguement with mom and then wrote her a letter that she didn't bother to read until several days later and has still yet not talked to me about it. Whatever.

Mom got another car, which is good, I got her old one. I think the tranmission is going out of it. It sounds funny and doesn't want to reverse sometimes. That was a couple of the things my car did before the transmission busted in it. So I'm trying to baby that car for awhile. I hope I don't have to go through the winter with it.

I failed out of biology class and my history class ( I just found that one out today!) and will most definetly not graduate this May. Maybe next May. I don't know why I try. I think I half failed out because I just can't deal with school a lot. Everything else is going and something has to slip, mine is my education. Guess that's why it's been taking me so long to get any kind of degree at all.

My room is falling apart at the house. There is so much junk in there that you literally cannot move around in it. I need to just get a trash bag and throw everything away, even if it is my stuff. There is a lot of dust in there too and it drives my allergies crazy. The ceiling leaks when it rains. Mom and Dad tried to fix it a couple times, but haven't got it. It's drafty (always has been) and now the door doesn't shut right and my head hurts because dad leaves the living room light on 24/7 and all that light gets in while I'm trying to sleep, its really annoying.

My friends house has become my refuge. It's so nice over there. It's not perfect, but I feel like I can breathe there and be myself and it's okay. I love going over there.

I don't pay my Grandma or the dogs outside any attention. I really should. They all deserve it because their all good to me and love me and I love them back. They don't deserve to be short changed by me.

Work sucks ass. Maryann is leaving me (not that I blame her) and I am going to miss her terribly. I picked up another day though to get some more money. I will probably be paying for a car soon enough and I am still saving money to move away. I have $1,100 dollars so far and I know that's really like chump change, but it is a lot for me and I am holding onto it with everything I have.

I really hate being overweight. I really don't know why I am as heavy as I am though. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I mean I do need to exercise and quit feeding my face, those two things would probably do wonders, but still I wonder if there is not something more. I should go to a doctor. I probably won't.

I think I'm a bad person. I lie to people sometimes. When I was younger I'd lie to everyone about dumb shit and I didn't even have a good reason for it, I just would. Now though I don't lie to people I know and like, but sometimes I'll just let stuff spill out. I'm also really mean to people sometimes. Sometimes when people are mean to me, I try to make them feel guilty. A lot of the time it works. I shouldn't do that junk, but I do and I don't know why. Sometimes I'm a real doormat. I let people say or do whatever to me and I just let it go by. I should say something and do something, but instead I just take it like a punch and rub the spot later and hope it doesn't happen again.

Do you ever get that feeling when you just know someone doesn't like you? You don't know why really or if they really don't like you, but you just have that nagging feeling like their putting up with you? I always get that feeling from my mom. I know she loves me, but she doesn't like me. She really doesn't. I don't know why not, but she just doesn't. I think she is just putting on a front for me and everyone else, but sometimes it cracks when its just us and I don't understand why she has this. I've never actually asked her about it, but seriously how do you ask someone that? Especially when their your own mother? It's incredibaly discouraging when your own mother doesn't like you. I don't know what to do about it though. This is an old, old problem that I just become more aware of each day that passes.

Well now that I've gotten all that out, I feel a little better. It's always better to let things out then to just let them stew. I wish my family would stop acting like everything is fine and actually talk about things sometimes. They never do though and they probably never will.

In closing, Happy Halloween everyone. I am going to go get on the bus now that will take me back to Haysi from the college, buy a pumpkin and go carve it. I hope no one ruins it for me, but I am already dreading it. It'll get ruined somehow, it always does for me. And I'm dumb and let it happen. Whatever.

ericamackey @ 2007-10-22T12:38:00

2007-10-22T16:40:28Z

People are stupid and annoying and I can only stand about ten people in the entire world right now.

Why are the people who are supposed to support you the most the ones who are always pushing you down the hardest?

I seriously don't know why what's happening to me is happening, but I just wish it was over already.

I would explain more, but I don't feel like it.

Life is retarded.

ericamackey @ 2007-10-17T10:32:00

2007-10-17T14:53:47Z

Not too many important things to post on really, just thought I should keep in the habit of it and so I'll write about all sorts of junk.

I haven't been doing the best in school, been being a little lazy. I'll catch back up though, hopefully. I really hate school.

My car is STILL not fixed. Mom is making him put an oil pump on it to see if that fixes the problem, I really hope it does. If not, then mom and dad both said their taking me to get another car...!!!!!!!!.... I'm excited and a little nervous and I don't really know what to do about it.

I have been looking at VW Jetta's. They are nice cars, none too expensive, under 20 grand new, but that is the price before having to put up with taxes, the dealer, etc. Still good price. Good car. Just maybe, maybe baby.

I'll miss my black mexican though. I feel like he's been on life support for awhile and that we're deciding if we should pull the plug on him. That's a bad analogy, how can I measure up my feelings for my car to letting someone go? Well it's how I feel nonetheless.

I'm getting tired of my job. It's just getting to be a lot to deal with whenever I walk into the door it seems like. Why can't I just go do my shift and NOT deal with everyone's stuff they have going on? I just want to cashier and get my little pay check and stick it in the bank. Is that so bad? I guess I probably won't have that option though and I'm sure every job is like that, but seriously those people just need to come in work, do their stuff and leave. That's all. But whatever.

I've been feeling pretty good lately, which is a good thing of course. I hope the feeling lasts for awhile this time.

I am really getting the bug to move out of my house and this area that I live in. It's not that I don't like it, I love the area and the people. It's safe in all the good and bad ways and its more beautiful then most places I've been to in my life. It's just that I feel like I'm wasting time, like I'm not really living here at all. That I'm just here and that's it. I feel like my life is out there somewhere and that I have to go find it. Sometimes, which I know its silly, but I wish that times were back in the day, when there was some adventure and mystery left in the world. It's so cut and dry now. It makes me a little sad when I think about it.

I wish I had a job that travelled around a bunch. I think I would be happy with that for awhile. I love going new places and I don't mind travelling at all. If only I could find something like that.

I'm thinking of buying a new digital camera, a Casio EX-Z77BE. It's a really nice camera and right under the $200 range. Which is a little much for me, but then again if I want quality then I know I need to spend the money. My other little camera has went down the crapper and I seriously need something new soon.

Me and Leah miss John Cena being on wrestling. Everybody complained that he was on there too much, but now that he's out due to injury it feels like there is this huge hole in the show and I just keep waiting for his music to come on and for him to march out there saluting and talking smack. lol I love how easy it is to be entertained by wrestling.

There's this guy that rides my bus to the college and back and he creeps me out. Not in the I think he's going to write me strange love letters/send me dead flowers/stalk me types, but he's just...odd. He talks about the weirdest things that don't mean anything and I really don't care about and he won't shut up about it. Then when I'm in the library he ALWAYS has to sit right beside me. Always. I thought it a concidence at first, but now I'm pretty sure it's not. Today he was already in here so I made sure there was some space in between us. Plus the guy is nosy, really nosy. I like to write and some of the stuff I write I post on the internet to various places. I did some writing here before and when I am on the bus he starts asking me what I was writing about. I told him stuff. He asked what stuff. I said stuff I want to write about. Like what? Jesus Christ, Stories okay?

Okay, so I didn't say the Jesus Christ part, but I was saying it in my head. I think he finally got the hint I didn't and wasn't going to tell him anymore then that and he then went on to tell me about the stuff he writes about....yay? I'm trying to be nice here, but seriously, whatever.

If I wanted people to read what I wrote I wouldn't post it anonymously on the internet under a screen name would I? It's none of his business in the first place and it makes me go on the defense when he or anyone else does junk like that. Why are people so freaking nosy anyways?

Wow, that was a bigger rant then I thought it would be. I guess I let it save up a little too long. lol

Well I think that is about it for now. I'll write again soon!

ericamackey @ 2007-10-08T11:58:00

2007-10-08T16:09:54Z

I made an 88% on my math test, yay! So glad I know how to do math that has no use ever again. Isn't education grand?

My car should be fixed by the end of the week or the start of next week. Either way there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel with all this car trouble. YES! YES! YES! It has been so hard being without a car and I feel like such a mooch to my mom, dad, and Leah. Hopefully the car and me will be reunited soon and we can ride around like we used too. I miss you black mexican!

Randy Orton won and then lost the WWE title. Then he won it again at the end of the night against HHH in a Last Man Standing match. I was pretty much disappointed and jaded at the fact I wouldn't get to see John Cena and Randy Orton go at it. I was just so built up for it and then bam! Cena gets injured and can't compete for real. And it sucks that he was the 6th longest running title holder and it all got taken away because of an injury-not because he lost. Either way Randy won the title now and a heel is in charge! YAY!!!! lol I am seriously starting to wonder if I am evil. haha

I finally bought some head phones to bring with me to school so I can listen to music and watch Youtube again. It's great!

I'm feeling restless again, although I am wondering if its because that feeling is coming back again or if I'm just noticing it again. Sometimes I wonder if it ever really goes away. I also wonder why I feel this way. Why am I so dissatisfied? Is there something really wrong, or am I just too hard to please? I have no idea.

I finally saw the music video to that Kanye West song, 'Stronger'. It's pretty normal for music videos with chicas dancing around and him bouncing everywhere. It had a japenese theme to it, which isn't so surprising as it seems japenese things are becoming popular which I loathe. I love japenese stuff and always has and I feel like it might be ruined somehow now. Anyways the more I watched the video the more I remembered it in a way. And then it hit me that Kanye West was spoofing/taking part of the famous 'Akira' anime movie and putting it in his video! He even played the part of Tetsuo at the hospital and escaping it. I wonder why he did that? It was neat to see, but I still don't get why. Maybe he's just a fan.

Well I have to book it to the bus and catch it home. Leah's going to pick me up and I'm sure we're going to get something to eat as we're usually starving by then. Later!

ericamackey @ 2007-10-03T10:06:00

2007-10-03T14:43:24Z

I am feeling a little better today. It is a good thing to get to be able to clear your head and not think on things for awhile and instead focus on other stuff.

I spent Monday night with Leah, as always. We watched wrestling and had mexican food, yay! Bad news on wrestling John Cena tore his pectorial muscle completly and had surgery on it and will be out at least six months, at the most a year. This really sucks because well getting hurt is bad, but also the story line is killed now. He had to vacate the title and his whole fued with Randy Orton is blown to bits. I really liked that story line too. Boo! Now I know Randy Orton is going to get the title, but not with the satisfaction of seeing men beat the crap out of each other for it. Pooey.

I need to get up with my friend the Misses. Jessica is going to kill me for not talking to her for so long! And I swear I haven't meant to, it just seems that time gets away from me a lot. I even missed a cell phone call from her the other day. I had my phone on and everything, I just wasn't there to answer it...wah! Sorry Misses! I am going to try to get up with you today or tomorrow somtime. I miss talking to her she is my good side and keeps me in line in her own ways! And I love her mucho!

I need to go to Johnson City soon. I really miss that place a lot. It was my first home I made by myself and I had a really great time there. I miss it. I need to go back. Plus I need to go to the mall and I live in podunk Haysi and there is no mall around here!

I'm wearing my cute little brown ankle boots I bought for ten bucks the other week. They are too cute and I love them!

Andrea is having a house shower in a couple weeks. Me and Leah are heading out to Norton to get her some stuff for it. I'm not sure where she's moving to, I just know its for when she graduates from the police academy and they station her, wherever. I think I'm going to get her small things, like candles or some towels or something like that. I think Leah is getting her some cleaning stuff. Either way it gives us an excuse to go buy expensive cards from Hallmark! I love that store even though it is completely useless and too expensive.

I tried to find an old friend on myspace this morning and it totally didn't work out. He is a dork and not on there, or really, really well hidden. I miss Dustin and wish I could get ahold of him again and see how he is doing. I know he should have graduated from college by now in Daytona, FL and have his pilots' licenses. I just want to know where he is though and how he is and all that jazz. I'll download ICQ again if I have to, to find him.

I hate stupid people.

I have had a sinus infection for a few days now and it sucks monkey wang. Its making me cough and my nose run and my ears all stuffy and BLAH! I do seem to be getting better though, so that's good. I just wish it would hurry it up already.

I want to go on vacation again. Leah was talking about going on a cruise with some of her college friends from the Lloyd and I really hope they all get to go. Especially Lacy =). It made me want to go too though. I want to go on another cruise, or hell I would fly to a beautiful island and just sit on a beach for a week too. Alas there is no money for such a thing though.

I am seriously contemplating trading in my car. I shall miss the black mexican, as I love him-he is my first car love! But sometimes its just time to let go, especially since I am hating having to let go of all my money keeping him fixed up! But we shall see, we shall see. This is a really big decision emotionally and financially for me (Why do those two things always seem to go hand in hand with each other for me?) and I really need to think about it long and hard before I do anything.

I want an Ab Lounge thingy! It might make me skinny (ier)!

My baby cousin Olivia is the cutest child in the entire face of this planet. Do I say that a lot? Hmmm, I never noticed. Anyways here's the latest picture of cuteness.

And here's Olivia at her first birthday party eating what else half naked? CAKE!

I'm going to be one of those parents with a bazillion pictures and constantly showing everyone my kids, aren't I? Oh well! Bwhahahahaha!

Well that's about it for now, I'll update again soon!

Baby News!

2007-10-01T15:33:47Z

Just to say YAY! My friend Stephanie has had her baby girl, Sydnee, yesterday! She wasn't due for another five days, but Steph had her and I believe all is well. I'm excited for Steph and Terry too as I know they'll make awesome, loving parents. They are the type of people that just give everything to the ones they love and I know that kid will not want for anything, phisically, mentally, or spirtually. Well this has perked me up somewhat today and I hope I can continue the good feeling! =)